my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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