singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
