the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
