So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
