You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
