I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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