Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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