I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
