just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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