is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
