youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
