I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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