Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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