I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
