woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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