I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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