I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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