oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
