she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
