Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
