Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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