somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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