my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
