His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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