Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This gyro tastes like lonliness
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
