he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
