I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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