This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
