Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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