I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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