Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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