Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
