so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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