Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
