The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
