he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize