scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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