i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
