OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
