God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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