I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
ttyl tear gas
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
