Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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