I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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