Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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