your room smells of hookers.
And success
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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