I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i think my mom watched the whole time
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
