i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
