well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
