first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
