I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
