Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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