Soap is not a condiment
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize