I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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