you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
