I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize