I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if only i could text you this smell
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
