White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
