woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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