Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
