i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
