Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
