you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize