Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
