Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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