Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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