You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
