I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
