I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
