I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
