it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
