So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Rumble strips road head = magical
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
