M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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